A Game of Endurance
by Planetary Colloquium
Summary: While the Master Hand is away on a vacation, the Smashers participate in a new kind of tournament, one that will send them all straight to the loony bin!


**Hey everyone! This is one of my first fanfics (I posted once on another name, I'll give you a cookie if you find it, which you won't), so please be easy on it. Also, my amazing and talented sister helped me a LOT, so don't give me all the credit.**

**I love reviews. A lot. I love reviews almost as much as my sister is talented. So if you leave a review, I'll love YOU. Scary thought, huh? Not as scary as Captain Falcon's up+B move, which was the inspiration (shudder) for a lot of this story.**

**Okay, the infamous beginning author note is over! On with the show. P.S. I love Marth...**

**Planetary Colloquium does not and never will own Super Smash Brothers Melee, Super Smash Brothers, or any of the characters included therein. ;.; :sniffle:**

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**A Game of Endurance**

**Chapter 1: It Begins**

The Smashers were gathered around the dining room table, bored. Master Hand was on some sort of extended vacation (it was later said he had just gotten a head start on the new competition, this'll make sense later) and so there were no fights to be had, and the entire Smash Manor was filled with bored and tense fighters.

Suddenly, a female wire frame ran into the room. "I have news from Crazy Hand!" This was met with a mixture of "Pika pikaaaaaa..." "Damn, not him again..." "Finally!" and several apathetic groans.

The wire frame coughed a little and continued. "To celebrate the next six months of Master Hand's absence, as well as alleviate some of your boredom, a slightly different type of tournament will be held."

Cries of joy and apathetic sighs met the announcement.

"You will all be placed in a manor on a deserted island. You will be divided into two teams of equal skill, then left until all the members of one team have gone completely bonkers. You leave... now." (A/N: I told you it'd make sense.)

A huge hole appeared under the table and everyone but the wire frame fell in, most of the screaming. Mewtwo had, of course, managed to maintain his calm, as had Samus. Marth had even managed to remain upright in his chair and was calmly sipping his tea while Roy panicked enough for the both of them.

Soon enough they all landed in the courtyard of a grand manor. Actually, it was exactly the same as the Smash Manor, except on a deserted island.

Suddenly, a male wire frame appeared before them. "Ah, welcome, messieurs and mesdames. I am glad that you have arrived safely."

"Right... Well, can you explain to us a bit more about this contest?" Zelda requested. "Like... the prize for winning?"

"Of course. First, we will put you into two teams: The Giraffes and the Koalas. Crazy Hand has given me a list of team members, so please be quiet and when your name is called, stand next to your respective topiary." The wire frame indicated a topiary of a giraffe on one side of him and a koala on the other. "Let's begin. Link, Team Koala. Young Link, Team Giraffe." The two alter egos glared at each other as they walked to opposite topiaries. "Er..." The wire frame surveyed the remaining 23 contestants. "How about I just read off the members of Team Koala?"

"Please do!" Peach flipped her hair.

"Okay, Team Koala, since Link was here first, he's your team captain. Also on Team Koala: Zelda, Pikachu, Pichu, Donkey Kong, Jigglypuff, Mewtwo, Kirby, Bowswer, Roy, and Marth! The rest of you are on Team Giraffe with Young Link as your team captain."

"Boo ya!" Link yelled at his younger self. "I got Captain Falcon AND Donkey Kong! Prepare yourself for a padded room."

Young Link smiled back warmly. "And I have the Italians AND 2-D man. Not to mention Yoshi."

"He has a point, Link," said Marth. "Still, we have Mewtwo. He can drive them insane with just one look."

"Also, to make the contest fair, any mind-melting powers contestants may have had are temporarily disabled." The wire frame bowed. "My fellow wire frames and I are on call 24/7, should you need anything."

"Like room service?" Mario asked, then apparently realized he'd forgotten his fake Italian accent. "Er... Like-a room-a serveeese?"

"...Yeah... Team Koala, your rooms are on the East side of the manor, and Team Giraffe's are on the West. Happy hunting!" The wire frame rushed off.

"Come, Team Koala! Let us brainstorm!" Link led them away.

Samus snorted. "Don't you need brains for that?"

"You can't win! Don't you remember how conniving you were when you were me?" Young Link called.

Team Koala was delighted to find their very own planning room.

"Okay! To start off, we'll go through and list all annoying tendencies that could possibly help us win," said Link, sitting down at the round table. "I'll go first. Let's see... hmm. I can't think of any--"

"The way you fix your hair every time you K.O. someone," said Zelda.

"O...kay..." Link wrote it down. "Anything el—"

"Your tights!"

"Ri—"

"That one earring!"

"I think that's enou—"

"And WHY are your ears so long!"

"ENOUGH!" Link panted. "You next. Let's see... Not knowing whether or not Sheik is a man is annoying..."

"Hey—"

"Constant jingling of your excessive jewelry..."

"Link, I oughta—"

"Violent misuse of Din's Fire..."

"Stuff it, skirt boy!" Zelda fried him.

"Okay, moving on," said Link through a split lip. "Pikachu..."

"Pika!"

"'Pika,' got it. That's annoying. Also, quick attack. Very, very troublesome."

Pikachu pika-screamed and zapped him.

"Next! Pichu. See... above..." Link wrote. Pichu growled and scratched him.

"DK... That tie! Oh Nayru, it's a crime against fashion."

DK slapped him.

"Jigglypuff... Do I even have to say it?" Link laughed. Jigglypuff pulled out her marker and brandished it menacingly. He stopped laughing abruptly. "Oh... Right, moving on. Mewtwo! Psycho freak, got it."

Mewtwo threw him an apathetic glare.

"Kirby... You can just... er... suck things..."

"Yup..." Kirby grinned, stretching his huge mouth.

"Bowser, torch 'em if they get too uppity..."

"Can do."

"Roy and Marth... I have a special assignment for you."

"This better not involve any form of false affectionate behavior." Roy warned.

"That was... oddly specific. Sorry, you must woo both Peach and Samus. Hopefully they will become so confused and angry with the other for stealing their 'boyfriends' that they just crack."

"I will have vengeance for this dishonor." Marth growled.

"Yeah, well. Ah..." Link's eyes gleamed. "Captain Falcon. Our secret weapon."

"Yeeeeees?" Captain Falcon was trying inconspicuously to put an arm around Marth's shoulders. Marth's grip on his sword tightened.

"Hit on them." Link smiled. "ALL of them."

Marth reached over and quietly broke Captain Falcon's finger. "I have an idea. How about I leave Roy to do your God-forsaken womanizing and work with Mewtwo and Zelda on a little... project."

"What kind of... project?" Zelda asked.

"Sorry, Roy..." Marth glanced at his companion.

"That's okay..."

"Good. After they leave their rooms, we go in and move the furniture around. They'll think they're going insane, and the thought will push them over the edge."

"... I quite like you." Mewtwo stared at him.

"I like you, too." Marth grinned.

"Can you tutor Link?" Zelda asked.

"I can only do so much with a rock." Marth sniffed.

"Hey, come on. Let's go get started re-arranging their stuff." Zelda stood.

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Young Link glanced around the table at his team in satisfaction. He had a few gems, like the Mario Bros. and Yoshi, but the real treasure was their stability and ability to follow his orders.

"Okay. Yoshi, you are now gangsta. Put these on." Young Link threw the dinosaur a pair of dark sunglasses and a huge gold necklace. "Gannondorf, I'm trusting you with a hefty assignment. Also, I am trusting that since we have a common enemy—my older self—we can become good friends. I want you to be real... chummy with older me, but make it seem like you have ulterior motives and are planning a surprise attack. The paranoia should crack him like an egg."

"Clever, very clever. May our friendship be long and mutually beneficent."

"Samus," said Young Link. "You are a mechanical mastermind. What I need from you is a memory altering device."

"No problem, captain."

"Perfect. Ice Climbers, Mr. Game and Watch, Ness, Fox, and Falco: run around the halls outside their sleeping quarters at night doing loud special moves and yelling their names at the top of your lungs. Italians and Princess Peach, I want you to find all the wire frame servants you can and bribe them to purposefully confuse and fuddle the orders of Team Koala."

"Can do, boss!" Peach saluted.

"Good... Now, on the way to the room, I took the liberty of writing up some nicknames and a team... theme song." He shoved a pile of papers to the center of the table.

Samus whistled. "Shall we serenade our rivals?"

"Yes, I think we shall." Young Link smiled at her.

THE NEXT DAY

"What's that noise?" Roy asked Marth as the pair neared the teams' shared parlor.

"Sounds like a bad song," said Marth.

The two swordsmen walked in just in time to see Link, Zelda, and the pokemon pointedly ignoring the song, DK and Kirby growling, and Captain Falcon dancing maniacally to the catchy tune. The song went:

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...

The other team has girly men

Like Link and Roy and Marth,

And just don't get us started

On their ugly female tart!

The pokemon are everywhere,

And what's up with Marth's ugly hair?

Bowser's breathing smoke and flame

To combat Link's unruly mane!

Kirby's eating like a fool

And Mewtwo's acting like a tool.

DK folds his ugly ties

While Jiggly-girl freaks out and flies.

That brings us to our Superstar,

A guy that prob'ly came from Mars!

He's weird and frightening, it would seem,

We're sure glad he's not on OUR team!"

"Oh, look!" Samus grinned. "It's the dynamic duo..."

Roy and Marth smiled a bit.

"... Prissy Boy and Girly Man!" She finished.

Their faces fell.

"Hey, Girly Man, how'd you like our theme? It would've been funnier at the end, but I decided to leave Captain Falcon's sexual orientation out of it." Young Link grinned at Roy.

"Girly Man?" Roy was aghast.

"And Prissy Boy." Young Link pointed at Marth.

Roy glanced at Marth to see what he'd do. Everyone waited with bated breath for his response.

He drew a deep breath. "MY HAIR IS NOT UGLY!"

The Crazy Hand laughed over the intercom. "And so it begins..."

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**Well, I hope you liked that. There's chapter 1 for you, I'm sorry, but I won't be updating regularly... I just don't have a regular schedule, but I should update a few times on spring break (this week, hurrah!). Thanks for reading, please review, I'll love you forever! (And I always take time to credit my reviewers in the next chapter.)**

**Until next time!  
**

**Planetary Colloquium**


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